I had a past with adoption with my childhood best friend. We were thick as thieves and he was my protector on and off the playground. My big brother is 9 months older than me. You couldn’t separate us if you tried. My past with adoption provided friendship, security and loyalty like none other. You see, my brother was adopted.
My parents labored in love through many challenges. I watched them love and try and through tears of frustration and exhaustion, I saw them keep loving. I watched my brother through angry tears and hurtful words, push and search, and try and give up. It broke my heart, all of it.
There was another side to this coin of adoption. If I got the head, my parent’s got the tail. My brother was just flipping coins day by day, trying to work it all out the best he could (fast forward 2 decades, my big bro is an amazing husband, dad and family man! His story is his own, but we are all proud of the person he has grown into. He is, and always has been, fiercely loved).
When I left for college at 18 I vowed to never adopt if I could have kids of my own.
Fast forward a decade and God began to turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh. It came during a time when Mark and I were trying for our 2nd child and immediately following a missions trip to Ethiopia. After our first miscarriage, we decided to look more seriously into adoption. In the middle of going for baby #2, we were diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility. You can read more about this in Part 1 of our story here.
We prayed continuously about where we should adopt. Mark was 100% adamant about local adoption. We were so excited to get started! Our church at the time had a group titled “All Things Orphan”. There was an opportunity to become a “safe family” so we got on board with that in addition to starting the process of becoming foster parents with the intention to Fost-Adopt through our county.
We went though all the steps, checked off all the boxes and after many months were cleared to accept children. Our clock was still ticking, but this time, we had a new found hope: our next treasure would be here shortly. We made it crystal clear to everyone involved that we were here to adopt!
This was the beginning of our 2nd ticking clock. We were still open to conceiving biologically, and we were now officially and legally open to becoming foster parents.
Meanwhile all my mommy friends were pregnant and expecting their second miracles. We, on the other hand, were in the middle of an infertility struggle. We were in the process of seeking adoption. We wanted (more) children. Can you see where these two roads cross and the potential for collision and deadly impact?
I saw clear on the horizon the opportunity for bitterness along with it’s ugly root. I did not want to participate in jealousy, resentment or any other ugly stain that come from drinking that cup. So what did I do?
There is currently a fierce warrior living in Boston, MA. His name is Ron. He is a prayer warrior and he continues to actively pray for me and others. I sought out this warrior and asked him to pray that I could rejoice with my friends and that my heart would truly celebrate for them. He did. Ron would send me his prayers typed out filled with bold requests, scripture and presented with faith and encouragement always concluding his prayers with, “Amen… How else can I pray for you?”
And I would keep asking. And he would keep praying. And even when I stopped asking, he would keep praying. Body of Christ, take notes!
And do you know what? I could truly celebrate with a glad heart with my friends for each and every precious miracle by the grace of God!
“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”
Hebrews 12:15
Ron may not know the depth of blessing he multiplied and the power of protection he supplied through his prayers. He blessed me and many mothers as well as put up a shield of faith and literally “covered me” in warfare terms while I was navigating this season. I am forever grateful for true friends and brothers and sisters like him who cover in prayer.
Now during this dual waiting period of conception/adoption I attended our church’s women’s retreat in Lake Tahoe. Do you see the picture below? There were so many pregnant girls here that right after this photo was snapped, they did a “preggo pic”.
I hope you understand, that refusing to partner with bitterness doesn’t mean that you are immune or somehow invincible to real feelings. I left this “Portal of Prayer”, headed straight to the bathroom and cried while they documented their swollen bellies and the joy of this shared season.
I felt the deficit. I wanted a child. I didn’t choose ignorance, I still saw the deep canyon in front of me. The difference is, I was happy for them and I felt my season. I was present in an honest, raw reality that somehow honored each of our seasons. I saw both and I honored both. Only Holy Spirit can do that!
If you are struggling to conceive while everyone else around you isn’t… I see you. I want you to know that it is possible to celebrate your friends with authentic joy if you ask God to help you. Declare that you will not partner with bitterness. Tell God exactly what is on your heart. Ask for your every need. He is faithful!
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Phillippians 4:19
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:
“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
their righteousness endures forever.”… You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.
2 Corinthians 9:6-11
It is possible to freely give out of lack. It is possible to be generous even if you are poor. God is that powerful in you.
The enemy of your soul wants you to focus on your circumstance. On your lack. If you would just run the reel again about your poverty in this area. How you just can’t have or be that. Focus on the why. But really, why?! And where are you in this, God? Why them and not me?
This cycle of thought will steal from more areas of your life than you initially believe it to. This is the lure if you will bite the bait.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10
I’m telling you, there is a richer way but you’re going to have to choose it. Recognize whose voice you are listening to. Choose life! Whatever you choose will multiply.
You won’t regret giving the gift of generosity out of the overflow of God’s love and the power of His Spirit. God sees your heart! He is touched by your brave faith. All He needs is an invitation and agreement from you.
Faith.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1
Before most of these Mamas popped, on February 5, 2013, we got the phone call to come and pick up a 2 and a half year old boy who needed a home. We answered the call by showing up and bringing home this beautiful boy.
In the next chapter, I will share about our journey to and through adoption.
I LOVED this blog post. CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT ADOPTION. HOW YOU FOUND THE agency you went with and how the process works. Pricing, time waited, how was the adjustment once you were a family etc… Thanks! You rock!
Thank you so much! Absolutely! I plan will plan on putting these details into Part 3. Thanks for asking and reaching out!