Baby on Our Doorstep?
We have passed the peak of pain in our Family Planning series. Thank goodness! Y’all those were hard to write! If you’ve been following along you can see why I gave our family story a question mark in it’s title. WHO would plan this? Certainly not me. If you haven’t yet, make sure you catch up on Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 of our What Family Planning? series.
Coming out of the worst Mother’s Day to date, we were ready for round 2 of IVF. Battered (emotionally) and bruised (literally) from the last 4 months, we had 3 more babies to go back for.
Side Note: Before beginning IVF, Mark and I agreed that we would go back for all our frozen babies. No matter what the number. Options given to us for “what to do with frozen babies” were:
1) Donate them to another couple 2) Donate them to science or 3) Throw them away.
Since we were not comfortable with any of those options, we made the choice to go back for all of them. Thankfully only 3 were waiting for us.
As we were making plans to go back for the 2nd round, I got an email from Jamie, one of the leads at our church’s ministry “All Things Orphan”. She knew we were in the process of trying to adopt.
Reading the email we learned that a 19-year-old was pregnant with a baby girl due within the month. Mom was looking at her options but leaning toward adoption. Since Mark and I were a certified Safe Family and looking to adopt, Jamie thought of us.
I remember reading it a little guarded. Had it been our first attempt at adopting, I imagine I would be completely ecstatic. I also remember asking God, “Is this Your baby on a doorstep?”
I was still limping from the previous fight. God couldn’t be asking me to try again.
After praying about it with Mark, we decided to be open to learning more and made plans to meet with the birth mom.
Swollen belly and 8 months pregnant, I met Anna poolside at her boyfriend’s cousin’s friend’s mom’s house. Yup. She was sweet and quiet, but most memorable was that she kept twisting her lip ring and looking down as we talked. She was navigating a great deal and time was ticking.
I met with her to ask what she wanted to do. She said she was looking at options. Adoption possibly being one of them. I told her we would love to adopt her baby but we are not interested in playing tug-of-war with children again. I went on to explain our recent experience with the foster care system. During this part of our conversation her eyes steadily met with mine. I also shared with her about the Safe Families program and that I would love to help her get whatever connections and resources she needed to keep the baby if that’s what she chooses.
I wanted to be clear about two things: 1) We were there to love her and the baby however that looked and 2) If she asked us to adopt the baby, she needs to understand where we just came from and what we are willing (and not willing) to do.
I needed clear boundaries on this. No hidden agendas.
Agendas were dangerous. If God wanted to give us a baby, He would. I wasn’t going to fight against His will. Whatever that was anymore…
I was as unstable as they come:
“Baby on a door step, remember Lord?”
Me
“Help me to be obedient to Your call and sensitive enough to hear it.“
Also Me
“My heart couldn’t possibly take another loss.“
Me Again
One of the daughters of the house we were at (try and keep up, this story is messy) went to our church and was also involved in the All Things Orphan ministry. She was our go-to for all the back and fourth communication from there on out (and W O W was there a lot). To this day I am forever grateful for Natalie Turner!
Visits
After our initial visit, I went with her to a doctor’s appointment to hear baby girl’s heart beat. Mark and I took Anna, her boyfriend and boyfriend’s cousin (Anna’s close friend) out to dinner to get to know them further. Next, I asked Anna if she wanted to get a pedicure together to have some more girl time.
Mark dropped me off at the salon with Ethan strapped in the back seat. Before he left us to it Anna said she had something she wanted to tell us both. She wanted us to adopt the baby.
Mark was so happy, he got out of the car, ran around to the passenger side where we were, and gave her a hug.
The news was surreal. A dream was starting to unfold.
Here are some snap shots of that day.
We quickly linked back up with Jamie at church who also happened to work as an adoption coordinator. She gave us the reference of an adoption lawyer, Twa’Lea Jordan. We called her up and started the steps towards adopting a baby girl!
It’s A Girl!
Early in the morning on June 3rd, 2013, I got a phone call. Anna was in labor at the hospital and going in for an emergency C-Section. As Mark and I quickly got dressed, this image appeared on my phone:
I didn’t take us long to hold her in our arms. I can still remember Mark practically skipping on the way from the parking lot to Labor and Delivery.
One of the requests Anna made before handing the baby over for adoption was to keep her for 2 weeks. The first week was spent in the hospital. We got to meet her biological grandma who brought photo albums with her. She was a support for Anna and encouraged her to give the baby up for adoption.
The two weeks we waited for our baby girl was extremely stressful.
We were in the process of a move. We were both in a wedding celebrating Mark’s baby brother and his bride. And there was always the chance that Anna could change her mind at any time within the first 30 days and revoke baby girl.
There were many variables and complicated dynamics that swirled together a few weeks before and a few weeks after the baby was born. Plenty of opportunities presented themselves that stole my peace. I was still sensitive to the idea of another failed adoption.
But God…
At 2 weeks, we met at a local grocery store’s back meeting room (because nothing is “normal” when it comes to adoption!) to receive the baby and bring her home. We brought Ethan, met with Anna, Anna’s closest friend and Natalie from church. And… we took our baby girl home.
First captures back home. Ethan was SO proud and SO attentive.
We kept ourselves busy those first 30 days. Technically we only had 2 weeks of waiting since Grace was already 2 weeks old. She met her grandparents and cousins, we took a trip to a cabin… also we just moved so there was plenty to distract us with!
Behind Her Name
Mark named our baby girl, Grace, and named her perfectly. It was very powerful to me that her daddy named her. Going from fatherless to fully loved sits well with my soul…
Grace (God given, divine gift) Elizabeth (God’s promise. Also a family name). The name perfectly suits her to this day. She was promised to us by God. She is a pure gift who is loved, deeply wanted, and adored. She is beautiful, priceless and was chosen before we ever laid eyes on her. She was God’s answer to our many prayers. I still can’t believe she’s our daughter!
Anna wanted to name her Kyleigh, so we also added this as her second middle name. Grace Elizabeth Kyleigh
In the Clear!… Kind of
At 30 days we knew we had a really good chance that Grace would be ours. We couldn’t legally adopt her until she had been in our home for 6 months. There was still potential that a family member could step in and try to fight for her, but birth mom was out and we knew we also had her biological grandma’s blessing.
So! At the 30 day mark we saw this as our green light. We made all the plans! First things first, we took those newborn baby and family pictures thanks to the gift of a sweet friend, Jen Jarvis.
My mom and I made plans to design the girly nursery of my dreams. We flew down to Los Angeles, with baby Gracie, and picked out special fabric at the garment district for grandma to sew custom crib bedding and nursery details. This act of love helped me walk through each and every day with gratitude and confidence knowing Grace was loved by her grandmother.
I’m so grateful God gave me women to walk this out with. These girls had been with me, praying through it all. They tricked me into a “Ladies’ Night In” blessing me big with a surprise baby shower! A couple of these Mamas were sporting those swollen bellies at the Women’s Retreat back in Part 2 of the story. I never imagined then that I would also be holding a baby at this time.
We invited all our friends and family to meet her. My best friend threw a BBQ + Bubbly in her honor.
Grace started smiling within weeks. She also slept through the night however many weeks she was. At 7 weeks she slept 7 hours, at 8 weeks she slept 8 hours and so on. She only cried when she was hungry or wet… or if she wasn’t with Mama.
We agreed to an open adoption. Grace continues to meet with her birth mom as Anna reaches out. At first it was monthly. That weened to a few times a year. And now its maybe once every year or two.
So long as Grace wants to meet with Anna and Mark and I find it’s a safe situation we continue to be open to it. Anna is and will always be one of the bravest women I will ever know. We are grateful that Grace has access to this part of her story. She is proud she is adopted and also proud to have a birth mom. So are we.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners… to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
During her first 6 months, Grace went to her first baseball game…
More Smiles…
I had fun dressing her up…
Ethan proved to be an incredible big brother. He was not only attentive to her but extremely protective. A few times family members held her a little to close to the door when leaving and he would say, “You can’t take our baby.” Once he said that while Anna was walking us back to our car to say good-bye during one of our meet-ups. *blink* *blink*
We had plenty of kitchen dance parties to the Frozen soundtrack.
She also went to Disneyland 3 times while we waited out her court date to officially be “a Young”. And as we waited, she got so darn squishy!
Faith Over Fear
The earliest Grace could be adopted was after living in our home for 6 months. We brought her home at 2-weeks-old so 6.5 months was the earliest she could legally become our daughter.
I cannot tell you how much I prayed for her to officially be ours before Christmas. It didn’t really matter in the day-to-day… she was already our daughter in our hearts… but for anyone who has been through the process (or to anyone who has read Part 3) you understand. We wanted this finalized and over.
When Grace was 2-months-old I was involved in a Beth Moore bible study called Believing God. The study challenged us to either “just believe in God or believe God“. The 5 points she emphasized were:
*God is who He says He is
*God can do what He says He can do
*I am who God says I am
*I can do all things through Christ
*God’s word is active and alive in me
Through this study, my faith was strengthened and I believed that God would give me what I asked for.
Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
John 14:12-14
So I asked, unashamedly and often, that Grace would legally be our daughter before Christmas in the name of Jesus Christ.
God was the one who put the desire to adopt in our hearts after all! I was simply asking Him to finish what He started (…but within my time frame. Looking back at this, I see how that might have come across to Him. Wow! God is so gracious and good to me!!)
Nearing her 6 month mark, we were tossed a few variables and our circumstances were discouraging. But I believed GOD > our circumstances.
…those who hope in me will not be disappointed.
Isaiah 49:23
Answered Prayer
We were in Disneyland when we received the call from our lawyer that Grace got a court date! I remember so vividly where we were when it happened: near the Monster’s Inc. ride at California Adventures. Nothing but praise left my lips and insurmountable joy filled my heart! Our souls rejoiced! God was making a way!!
God’s signature was revealed when we learned this:
There was only one court date in all of December for adoptions in our county. That day was the 3rd Monday in December… the 16th. Grace was born the first Monday in June… the 3rd. Her age? 6.5 months!!! The exact earliest date we could have possibly adopted her! Also, we were the first family to adopt that morning when the doors opened at 8am on December 16th.
Divine Christmas gifts are the best!
Adoption Day
Now it was actually a pretty unglamorous experience. Grace was sick and blew out through her pretty little adoption day outfit and into her car seat. Our precious princess yelled at THE TOP of her lungs (echoes of yells bounced off the courthouse walls) when I changed her out of her mess and once it was all said and done, we looked at the paperwork and saw that her name was written “Grace Elizabeth Young” and not “Grace Elizabeth Kyleigh Young” as we had decided.
Somewhere in the translation her second middle name was dropped. At the time we were so over paperwork and legal stuff that we just said “we’ll worry about that later. Let’s take our daughter and go!” Then we found out it will cost over $400 to change it so… she’s Grace Elizabeth Young unless and until she gets married.
Post Adoption Glow
Christmas was filled with all the peace, joy and post-adoption glow only God can give. We were now a family of 4 through and through. Our children are and will always be our very favorite gifts!
And in case you were wondering about Mother’s Day… it got a whole lot better the next year. Mark and the kids surprised me with a spontaneous roadtrip to… you guessed it… Disneyland! It’s kind of our happy place…
In part 5 I will share about going back for our “3 frozen babies” and revisiting IVF. NOT something I was excited to do! I really felt like my life and family planning was good and planned. Past tense. Done.
>>> Insert God Laughs Here <<<
